“If it was easy, everyone would be doing it…” Memories from the front line.

“If it was easy, everyone would be doing it…” Memories from the front line.

So you think the paparazzi have a hard time? Thats nothing compared to threats of ultra violence from celebrity chefs…

Some years ago I took on a commission from Visit Britain to cover a ‘slow’ food festival in Melton Mowbray (I told you photography was a dream career). Anyway among other things I had to get photos of the guest celebrity chefs doing there demonstrations to the public. Antony Worrall¬†Thompson was a real gentleman and very accommodating. The other celebrity chef shall remain nameless but her partner looked like he might shoot a working class person or indeed a small furry animal on sight, just for fun, while she was doing a fair impression of a meaner and more inebriated relative of Jabba the Hutt – sorry I can’t mention names but she used to be a fat lady…

Anyway having never met her before I thought it only polite to ask permission to photograph her as she demonstrated her cooking skills. So before the event, actually during a lull in her book signing (which I think it was called “a hundred ways to enjoy raw meat” – or something like that) I eventually plucked up the courage to approach…

“Hello,” says I, “I was hoping to take a few pictures of you doing your demonstration”. “Who you working for” she grunted. “Visit Britain” I replied, “f*****g vultures,” she grunted… “If you get within range I’ll f******g stab you…!”

“Ummn, I’ll take that as a no then!” I thought, retiring post hast to the real ale tent for a swift half of ‘hobgoblin’…¬†‘Well if it were easy…’

Hand made Melton Mowbray Pork Pies

Pork Pies - Just one good reason to visit a Melton Mowbray food festival...


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